10

Jennifer

Adapted from the poem by Bruce Lansky-

**How to Torture Your Teacher**
Only raise your hand when you want to sharpen your pencil or go to the bathroom. Repeat every ten minutes. Never raise your hand when you want to answer a question; instead, yell, “Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!” and then, when the teacher calls on you, say, “I forgot what I was going to say.” Lean your chair back, take off your shoes, and put your feet up on your desk. Act surprised when the teacher puts all four legs of your chair back on the floor. Drop the eraser end of your pencil on your desk. See how high it will bounce. Drop your books on the floor. See how loud a noise you can make. Hum. Get all your friends to join in. Hold your nose, make a face, and say, “P.U.!” Fan the air away from your face, and point to the kid in front of you. On the last day of school, lead your classmates in chanting: “No more pencils! No more books! No more teachers’ dirty looks!” Then, on your way out the door, tell the teacher, “Bet you’re looking forward to summer vacation this year. But I’ll sure miss you. You’re the best teacher I’ve ever had.”